02 Oct Beyond “Do the Right Thing”: Teaching Young People to Be Upstanders
In a previous post about the Cornell case, we talked about the importance of men as upstanders. It’s easy to tell young men to “do the right thing”. Speak up, step in, and challenge other men when they cause harm.
But knowing they should act and knowing how to act are two very different things.
Most universities require incoming students to complete Title IX training, including information about consent and bystander intervention. Cornell’s Office of Civil Rights outlines these requirements. Yet according to the allegations in the Cornell case, that training did not prevent seven young men from participating in the assault, or 57 others from receiving Snapchat messages during the hours-long assault and failing to intervene.
So what does it take to move young men from “It’s none of my business” to “I won’t let this happen”?
At Take Back the Halls, we believe behavior change requires more than information. In our 10-week program, we focus on three things:
Challenge beliefs and attitudes.
We build empathy and reinforce that we all have a responsibility to look out for one another. That means challenging friends when they are disrespectful or harmful, not waiting for someone else to step in. We also talk honestly about why speaking up can be difficult and what it can cost to be the person who does.
Provide knowledge.
Young people need to know what consent is, and isn’t, the warning signs of abuse, and concrete ways to intervene. We reinforce the 4Ds of model bystander intervention used by Chicago Public Schools: Direct, Distract, Delegate, and Delay, along with practical strategies for addressing harmful behavior among friends.
Practice new skills.
Knowing what to do isn’t enough. Students need opportunities to practice when the stakes are low, so they are better prepared when the stakes are high. We use scenarios, role plays, and real-time opportunities to practice intervention skills.
Is Take Back the Halls singlehandedly solving bystander apathy? No. We are one part of a much bigger solution.
We start where research has told us all prevention programs should. Effective violence prevention must address risk and protective factors at the individual, relationship, community, and societal levels. That’s why our school-based approach goes beyond student education to include staff training, administrative technical support, and parent education.
You are a part of this work. Everyone has a role to play.
This Domestic Violence Awareness Month, you can:
– Learn about consent. The FRIES model is a great place to start.
– Talk with young people about consent and healthy relationships. Go beyond “make sure you have consent” and talk about how to ask, listen, and recognize it.
– Lead by example. Learn and implement healthy relationship skills in your own life.
– Challenge harmful behavior when you see it among friends or family.
– Amplify survivors’ voices and experiences.
– Support Take Back the Halls with a donation so we can continue giving young people the knowledge, skills, and confidence to become upstanders.
Because telling young people to speak up is only the beginning.
We have to teach them how.
All contributions are tax deductible.
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